Safia's Cancer Blog

Cancerversary

I have been remiss in posting over the past several months. I would be inclined to apologize for this oversight, but I fear the only person disappointed by my absence is me. And maybe my mother.

I recently celebrated my one-year Cancerversary. (I should point out that, in the interest of justifying maximum possible self-congratulatory gifts, I have allotted myself two cancerversaries – one for the date of diagnosis and one for the date I was told I am cancer-free. For anyone wondering, my gift to myself was a new Kate Spade bag. Because every Cancerista needs beautiful lizard accessories in their lives.) I was diagnosed with Stage 1B1 cervical cancer on January 12, 2010, ironically in the heart of Cervical Cancer Awareness Month.

The year ultimately was divided into two phases: saving my life, and then putting it back together. I am happy to report that I was successful in the first phase, and that I am working progessively on the second. I also spent much of 2010 hating the year and dreading what other disasters might befall myself, my family, and my friends. In retrospect, I realize that I have placed unfair blame on 2010, which actually was a pretty good year. In 2010, I co-bought and partially renovated an apartment. In 2010, I got engaged. In 2010, I remembered to get my priorities straight. In 2010, I learned to share my story.

And most importantly, in 2010, I inadvertently rallied and brought together the most important people in my life, my family and friends. To all of you, thank you for humoring my desire to throw tasteless parties to celebrate and mourn every treatment. Thank you for fabulous teal shoes. Thank you for standing by and supporting me through the most difficult challenge of my life. Thank you for an amazing year.

***

It is once again Cervical Cancer Awareness Month. According to some studies, cervical cancer is among the leading causes of cancer death for women. But it doesn’t have to be. Please, get checked.

Posted on January 23, 2011 at 9:15:11 AM by Safia (Cancerversary, 5 comments, 1630 views)

3 people like this.

Fred sent you a hug.

I love good news! :)

hugs

Posted on January 23, 2011 at 3:04:53 PM by Ferna

HI Safia,
Glad to see that you’re doing so well. Every anniversary counts with cancer. Celebrate them all.
Best wishes,
Andrea

Posted on January 24, 2011 at 6:09:22 AM by Andrea

Freedom

My painter pointed out that today is 8-9-10, one of those rare days that can happen only a few times in a century. I didn’t stop to check the accuracy of his statement, but for now I will assume its truth. I must also assume that this rare day is also a lucky one, because today my doctor declared me cancer free.

“Cancer free” is a strange concept, as I wondered today what it is that I am truly free of. Recovery? There is still a ways to go. Frustration? With every new limitation that did not exist seven months ago. Fear? With every new pain. Worry? With every appointment and scan. Stress? I’m an attorney in New York City with an Empire-sized mortgage – let’s be serious. Cancer or no cancer, it seems I am stuck with these burdens.

So here is what I came up with instead:

Cancer arrests the everyday. Morning lattes give way to morning sickness. Vitamins give way to anti-nausea meds and steroids. Office meetings become hospital bedside vistits, and gossiping at the water cooler becomes idle chatter over the whir of a chemo drip. Holding hands is replaced with holding your hair back (or what’s left of it), and exercise may be nothing more than shuffling between the bed and the sofa.

But if you can look beyond these temporary shackles (and sometimes you have to strain really REALLY hard) of today, you can see the life you want tomorrow just over the fence – and it’s not necessarily the one you had been living.

I think, then, “cancer free” really means the freedom to take back your life. Possibly a better one.

Posted on August 9, 2010 at 9:09:06 PM by Safia (Freedom, 4 comments, 2532 views)

Sheila sent you a prayer.

I agree with what you said…I like the taking back! I am working on that, but the limitations are frustrating. I am a counselor and two years after surgery and four months post-chemo I still cannot sit in a chair all day, absolutely cannot stand more than 5 minutes before the pain reaches an eight, and then when I try to get out of the chair I look like an 80 year old woman and I am only 37… But cancer is not stopping me from attempting to get my life back slowly. A friend reminded me the other week, that it took me 2.5 years to recover to the point I am at right now, and 5 months ago I was still using a walker to get around. Today I can actually walk around Sam’s (as long as it is the first place I go) without getting the little cart to ride in, that is huge progress. We need to always count our blessings!
I am so happy that you are cancer free today and can keep moving forward in your recovery process. Cancer is not trivial and it is surprising how many people think it is no big deal.
Melinda